Bad Movies That Rock: My Bloody Valentine


Devil Horns Rating:

3dh

What’s It About?

Twenty years ago in the sleepy mining town of Valentine Bluffs, a fatal mining disaster occurred on Valentine’s Day while key members of the crew were decorating for a party. The sole survivor of the accident killed the absentee crew members and warned the town never to have another Valentine’s Day celebration. When a group of teenagers decides that the the town has gone without a party long enough and begin planning one, a murderous maniac in mining gear begins dispatching townsfolk in bloody and creative ways. (Source)

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

What’s So Bad About It?

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The premise is absurd. The acting is comically bad. The villain is really weak especially when compared to the iconic characters of the genre like Jason, Freddy and Michael Myers.The deaths are about as cheesy as they could be without being completely laughable. And did I mention the acting is elementary school production of Our Town level horrible? Plus someone with too much time on their hands (and very little knowledge of the female of the species) considered this type of silliness to be sexy in any way:
sexymbv

Why Does It Rock?

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Because of the absurd premise. At the time Friday the 13th and Halloween were big money makers so of course other studios wanted to capitalize on the craze of nubile young teens being slaughtered by a serial killer after appearing in obligatory scenes of nudity and simulated sex. So what do the braintrust behind MBV come up with? They set the movie in a coal mining town in the dead of winter; fill the cast with Saskatchewan Community Theater players whose median age is 40 and who all look like they have never seen the sun before; and make the villain a demented miner who hates Valentines Day so much that he is compelled to eviscerate anyone who dares to celebrate the holiday.
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Then you add ridiculousness like a close quarters duel on a slow moving mining train thingee between the hero and villain, a cantankerous old saloon owner who spouts off ominous warnings, middle-aged adults throwing keggers in abandoned coal mines like they were still in high school, and one of the most goofball creepy endings in the history of horror movies.
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All of that combined is so insane that I can’t help but love it to death. Don’t believe me? Check out the awesomeness of My Bloody Valentine in a Cliff’s Notes version and prepare to be won over:

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