True Blood Season Five: Authority Always Wins

Looks like Bill and Eric have found themselves in quite the pickle

Jesus Be A Bloodsucker
So Bill, Eric, and Nora are taken to the Vampire Authority HQ which also doubles as the VA’s own mini Guantanamo. Bill and Eric are subjected to enhanced interrogation techniques that include silver filled IV drips and UV lights all in an attempt to find out if our two favorite ex-boyfriends of Sookie Stackhouse are part of something called The Sanguinist Movement: a group that follows the letter of the law from the Vampyr Bible, namely that God is a vamp, Lilith is the sainted mother of them all, and human beings were put on Earth for the sole purpose of being a food source.
All of this leads us to the introduction of the head muckety mucks of the VA and the Grand Poobah of the whole kit and kaboodle, Roman. Roman is a big booster of the mainstreaming movement so the whole Sanguinist Movement thing doesn’t sit well with him. He is also a bit perturbed that Bill and Eric killed Nan Flanagan but what really pisses him off to no end is finding out that Bill and Eric didn’t kill Russell Edgington and now ol’ Russ has been unearthed and is loose upon the world again. Bill uses that info to make a deal with Roman: spare him and Eric so that they can hunt down and kill Russell.

What I most got from these scenes is that Doctore from SPARTACUS is a man of many accents, that Real Housewife looking VA lady is a beeyotch, and Chris Meloni would make a supremely bad-ass Lex Luthor…WB screwed the pooch by not casting him in that role for the new Superman movie.

How Do You Fix A Problem Like Tara?
Back at La Maison Stackhouse, Baby Vamp Tara is suckling on Sookie and tossing Lafayette all over the backyard before a bemused Pam decides to help out. She compels Tara to stop biting Sook and Lafayette and to not leave Sookie’s house before taking her leave. Tara goes on a one woman high speed rage fit, destroying Sookie’s poor house. That place has been the victim of more unjust treatment that any character on the show. Finally the hapless twosome are able to subdue Tara with silver and get her into the cubby room that Eric had built last season.
Lafayette realizes the error of his ways and decides to stake Tara but Sookie (back from her supply run at the vampire defensive weaponry store) pleads with him that the true Tara is there somewhere. A combination of his love for Tara and his need to get Sookie to stop making that heinous crying face gets Lafayette to give Vamp Tara a chance at a life. Day turns to night and Tara rises; she seems less batshit crazy but she is still the same buzzkill she has been for the majority of the show as she tells Lafayette and Sookie she will never forgive them for turning her into a vampire before running out of the house, getting accidentally blasted in the face by Sookie’s newly installed silver mister.

Times Past with Pam
Once she’s done with her siring duties, Pam heads back to Fangtasia to change out of that hideous WalMart sweatsuit. She is still shaken by the fact that she hasn’t heard from Eric (assuming he is still just angry with her and not that he is being tortured by the VA). We are then treated to a couple flashbacks to the early 1900s where we see that human Pam was the proprietor of a brothel and that her first meeting with Eric was incredibly bloody and violent. The two characters did have an instant connection though and it is was easy to see why Eric was impressed by this human woman who kept her wits about her pretty well after seeing him kill a man in an instant (sucking the guy’s blood off his fingers). Pam is having serious daddy issues and she needs to re-connect with Eric toot sweet.

PUBLIC DISCLAIMER! This is the part where I start to pepper this post with awesome pics of Dancin’ Steve Newlin!

The Gay Misadventures of Rev. Steve
Rev. Steve is making the rounds of the talk show circuit trying to convince the world that humans and vamps should peacefully co-exist. He is also still keeping his newfound sexuality a secret because being a bloodsucking undead fiend is cool but being gay is truly scary. Later on Steve awesomely dances his way into Jessica’s (where Jess is continuing to have the lamest college party ever) and tries to make a deal to buy Jason from her. Steve starts the bidding at a paltry $10,000 but after Jess seductively describes some of Jason’s assets is able to get Steve to raise the bounty to $20,000 while also giving him both a fang and a regular boner. A catfight ensues (with hair pulling by Rev. Steve!) leading to Steve beating a hasty exit but not before he makes a cryptic comment about Bill no longer being the King of Louisiana. Looks like Rev. Steve is tuned into the inner working of vampire politics much the same way he was human politics.

Werewolves Ate Mah Baby
Those redneck werewolves are still eating Marcus’ corpse? You’d think a pack of werewolves would have made quick work of one measly body. Well Martha is now back in human form and fully clothed (thank Jebus!) and she wants Alcide to have a little bite of her baby boy since he is now the new pack leader. Alcide basically tells all of the hillbilly clan to kick rocks and makes his leave…he is a Lone Wolf darnit!
Luna has taken Sam back to her place to tend to his wounds when Martha arrives hoping to have a little granny bonding time with her granddaughter Emma. This sends Luna into full on defensive mode as she rebuffs Martha and throws her out. Sam being Sam, he tries to plead Martha’s case (why he is speaking up for the grandparent rights of a woman who just tortured him a few hours ago is beyond me) but this doesn’t go over too well with Luna. Sam tries to impress upon Luna that if Emma is a werewolf she is going to need other werewolves to help her adapt. Luna is adamant in her belief that her little girl is pure shifter and if Sam can’t co-sign her need to keep Emma away from her werewolf granny then he can go jump in a lake. Insults are traded and Sam storms out. To say that this guy is unlucky in love is an understatement.
A little while later Luna is awakened by noises from Emma’s room and when she goes to check on her she finds that her daughter has transformed into the cutest little wolf cub complete with adorable PJ’s on. I guess Luna owes Sam an apology for going HAM on him.

Law & Order: Bon Temps
Andy and Jason are doing crack police work finding Debbie Pelt’s abandoned car in between discussing Andy’s love life. Jason also continues to try and be a better man than the guy who barely recalls sleeping with married mothers until said mother’s child walks into the police department and socks him in the face. As part of his new outlook on life Jason once again tries to make amends with Hoyt who has moved back in with his mama. Hoyt rejects Jason’s offer of renewed friendship and use of his home. But at least Maxine is happy that Jason rescued her baby boy from the clutches of that vampire floozy.

I don’t give a damn about Terry’s story but I have a prediction that Scott Foley’s character is the one killing all of the other members of their platoon and he just needed Terry to clue him in on the whereabouts of the one member of the group who has been living off the grid.

Can’t Keep A Bad Vampire Down
We end with a visit to Russell Edgington’s lair that is littered with the dead and dismembered corpses of his recent dinner guests. Old Russ is still bedridden and looking like hell but he has fire in his beady little eyes and seems to getting stronger every episode. By this rate he will be out of bed and back to raising hell by the last episode of the season.

Best Character of the Week: Rev. Steve

From schmoozing talk show hosts to dancing like a mofo to trying to barter for Jason Stackhouse’s man meat to his girl fight with Jessica, Steve Newlin has quickly become one of the best parts of True Blood.

Worst Character of the Week: Tara

Still a total douchehat even as a vampire.

Final Verdict: So far True Blood has been 2 for 2 in the quality department. Despite some of the more blah storylines (Terry and Scott Foley are not necessary) and the wolf business being a smidge high on the “who really gives a damn” scale; the bulk of the show is very enjoyable. The vampire politics stuff has always been one of my favorite parts of this show and its good to see that taking center stage this season. I am also happily intrigued by a lot of the goings on: what exactly is behind the door that Roman bowed down to? Who is helping Russell get back on his feet? Who will be named the new King of Louisiana? Is little Emma a werewolf or did she just shift to a cute little wolf cub because she is missing her daddy? Questions abound and I am eager to see where Alan Ball takes things.
I also am getting a kick out of the use of Greg Garcia mainstays with Martha being a regular on My Name Is Earl and the creepy vampire defense supply store guy being from Raising Hope. Maybe we can get Jamie Pressly to pop up sometime in the near future. B+

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