True Blood Season Five: Let’s Boot & Rally

Tara and Jessica: VFFs
Pam has dressed Tara up like a S&M tranny hooker and is making her work the bar at Fangtasia. Tara still has to work on her impulse control though since she tried to drain a patron after only being on the job for 5 seconds. Pam admonishes her progeny very sharply which makes Jess feel sorry for them baby vamp. Jess and Tara bond over being turned without their consent and the heightened senses that can be overwhelming. And also how awesome it is to drink blood from the tap.
A little later Hoyt shows up to very desperately offer himself to Tara. She shoots him down at first but the next time we visit Fangtasia Tara is sucking the living daylights out of Hoyt’s neck. Luckily for the heartbroken hillbilly, Jessica is in the next stall getting her drink on and is able pull Tara off him before she drains him dry. Yes, folks…we have ourselves a bonafide vampire catfight!

Be Vewy Vewy Quiet…We’re Hunting Shifters
Andy and Jason awaken in their respective homes completely buck nekkid. It seems the fairy bouncers dropped them off at home which was very nice of them but I don’t get why they stripped the two guys down to their birthday suits. Anyhoo the two lawmen are called to investigate the murders of Sam’s two shifter friends. Andy shows he isn’t a total assclown by figuring out how the shooting occurred and finding a stray wood bullet.
Fearing for Luna’s safety Sam stops by his estranged girlfriends to fill her in the murders. As Sam is leaving a pick-up truck with a bunch of armed dudes in Barack Obama masks pulls up and one of the Obama’s shoots Sam. Luna comes out to see what’s happening and catches a couple bullets for her troubles. Amidst all the shooting little Emma comes out and those masked bastards start shooting at her too. Luckily she shifts into the most adorable little wolf and scampers away.

Other Stuff That Happened
Roman and Salome talked vamp politics which seems to be all they do and its getting a bit tedious, Nora got baked in her cell, Terry and his buddies are being hunted by a Middle Eastern fire spirit thingamabob, and Lafayette is still having issues with his brujo side and saw Jesus’ head in a vision. His loony mother saw Jesus’ head too and seemed to be pretty unfazed by it.

Sookie & Her Supernatural Suitors
Alcide and Sookie pick up where they left off last week in a mad dash to do the best with two backs when their sexual hijinks are interrupted by Sookie puking on Alcide’s shoes and the appearance of Bill and Eric to recruit Sookie into their mission to find Russell. Sookie telepathically gets the skinny on how Russell was freed from one of Alcide’s drivers and the merry band make their way to an abandoned asylum. Sookie also “sees” that Russell was dug up by a woman. Bill automatically assumes its Nora which pisses Eric off royally. In the asylum Sookie takes the lead (explaining to all three of her strapping fellas that she and her fairy powers are the best defense against Russell) and they come across a room of dead bodies and then a room of humans hanging on hooks before finally coming across Russell. Russ is still in his hospital bed but he looks a lot healthier than the last time we saw him. Before ya know it Eric and Russell trade barbs with Eric about to put a hurting on the bedridden former king when Alcide is taken out by an unknown assailant…fade to black and roll credits!

Best Character of the Week: Jason and Andy

Bon Temps own version of Andy Griffith and Barney Fife are awesome together and more scenes of them interacting would be welcomed.

Worst Character of the Week: Terry

Terry is in the worst storyline on this show and its making me not give a damn about a character I used to like.

Final Verdict: AN OK episode. I am glad Sookie has become more involved in the Russell storyline and hope that she continues to be the cool Sookie we have seen in the last two episodes. Jason and Andy are pure gold and more of them can make even the most tiresome scenes work for me. And shock of all shocks Tara didn’t annoy the living hell out of me this week. I am kind of bored with the Vampire Authority stuff if all it will involve is Roman and Salome yammering on in that damn underground bunker HQ. And I don’t give one solid damn about Terry’s storyline. B-

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