True Blood Season Five: Gone, Gone, Gone


Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya Where the Good Lord Split Ya

Finally we are getting some progress from this show when it comes to removing useless characters and Hoyt, who bid Bon Temps farewell this episode, was one of the more useless. And to continue his lame ass existence he couldn’t even leave town like a man instead he had Jessica use her vamp powers to make him forget that he ever loved her and that he ever even knew Jason. I would think removing Jason from his memories would create a lot of unanswered questions since the bulk of Hoyt’s life was spent as Jason Stackhouse’s sidekick. The other positive (besides Hoyt leaving) was that it allowed us to see the softer side of Jason as he really struggled with letting go of his best friend.

Lilith 2 / Godric 0

Chosen One Bill and Nora force Eric to drink more of Lilith’s blood (Nora imbibed with him) and the two siblings had a vision of Godric, who implored them to turn away from Lilith before she turned up and ripped Godric’s throat out. This was enough to convert Eric to the Sanguinist side which spared him from being staked like vamp tech girl Molly.
It was around this point that Russell got tired of Salome and her religious nuttery after she rejected his idea about using fairy blood to allow them all to walk around in the daylight. He pimp slapped Salome and told the rest of the VA crew to kick rocks. The best part was that he did it in his haughty original accent…I love when Russell reverts to his true speaking voice. So Big Russ is trolling Bon Temps looking for copious amounts of fairy blood. Sookie better watch out.

Sookie the Vampire Slayer

Sookie’s Chinese takeout dinner was interrupted by creepy coroner Mike at her door. She invited him in before realizing that he is a vampire, Mike attacks her thigh and Sookie stakes him with some chopsticks. Sook and Jason then discover a parchment with an unknown language on it under Gran’s bed. They take the scroll to their fairy cousins where a very pregnant Maurella (wait till Andy finds out he is having a half-fairy baby) decodes the text to reveal that it is a contract that states Sookie belongs to the mysterious Mr. Warlow.

Tara Beheaded the Sheriff

The douchebag new sheriff continues being a douche to Tara and Pam hittin his douche apex by informing Pam that if she doesn’t meet her quota of new baby vamps then he would have to “foreclose” on all of her holdings which include not just Fangtasia but Tara too. Pam decides that she and Tara will just leave it all behind but Tara has other ideas. She uses the delightfully scream happy Ginger to set up Sheriff Douche so that Tara could lop his head off. Tara Mae Thornton don’t run from no long-haired cosplay rejects!

In Other Shenanigans

Sam and Luna are working tirelessly to find and rescue Luna from the clutches of Rev. Steve. Meanwhile Rev. Steve is having discipline problems with his new pet since she keeps changing back into a little girl. Andy and Holly are treated to a romantic dinner whipped up by Lafayette. Bill has sent for Jessica and is looking to convert her to the word of Lilith. The vamp plan to surreptitiously take over the world continues unabated. And thank Lilith there were no scenes with the trailer trash werewolves.

Best Character of the Week: Tara

Shock of all shocks! Tara has turned into one of my favorite characters on the show and she and Pam are one of my favorite duos. The new, confident, kick-ass vamp Tara is a huge improvement over whiny, depressing human Tara.

Worst Character of the Week: Hoyt
I won’t miss ya, Bubba!


Final Verdict: This was more a set-up episode than anything else as it moved various characters around the canvas to prepare them for the final two episodes that promise to be very action packed (and quite deadly from all reports). The removal of Hoyt is a good move because the character had run his course and not showing the werewolves was perfectly fine with me because aside from Alcide they have proven to be dreadful additions to the show. Russell going rogue and the growing mystery of just who Worlow is kept me hooked though. B

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