Hello! I’m Shelley Duvall…

Jebus, I love that video. And I love Shelley Duvall, too. I especially love how batshit insane she was able to make a simple “hello” sound as host of FAERIE TALE THEATRE back in the 80s. I also love that I just found out Shelley once did a Christmas album with one of the most irritatingly cloying songs I have ever heard before.

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You May Love Your Cat But Your Cat Does Not Love You

Cats are cold, calculating, vindictive animals who only put up with humans because we feed them and will scratch them when they decide they want to allow you to touch them. I really do think they are playing a long con that will end with cats taking over the world and making us their slaves. Anyhoo, the young lady in this video finds out that her cat is not her friend despite how much she wishes it were so.

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How Did This Person Pass The Driver’s Exam?

In what is quite possibly the saddest attempt to back out of a parking space in the history of the automobile, this driver boxes him/herself in for no visible reason, hits a parked car and then just skedaddles away like a cockroach with severe depth perception issues that was exposed exposed to light. At one point it looks like he/she is attempting to parallel park his/her way out of the parking space. And the whole thing takes 4 and a half minutes!

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MonsterĀ® Brand Extreme Energy Drink Is An Agent Of Satan

At least MonsterĀ® Brand Extreme Energy Drink is an agent of Satan according to noted theologian/soccer mom with too much time on her hands in this video.

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Kids Do The Darndest Things

So a kid completely ignores his dad’s warning to not microwave a glow stick and the hilarity that ensues from young Jack’s misfortune is wonderful.

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Actual Cannibal Shia LeBouf

There once was a meme that was pretty popular in 2012 about TRANSFORMERS actor Shia LaBeouf being a cannibal based off of a song by Rob Cantor. There was an animated video and Tumblr blogs dedicated to it and everything. Well, rising from the outdated meme graveyard this Halloween season is a (pretty darn spiffy) live stage musical version of the “Shia LeBouf” song by the original songwriter himself. Just make sure you stay with it till the end.

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Whitney Houston’s Mom Is Absolutely Captivating

Aretha Franklin is out promoting her upcoming CD of cover songs and one of her first stops was the LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN to perform her rendition Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep”. And as much as I love Aretha and think she sounds better singing this song live than on the CD (thanks to no Auto-tune), this performance is great mostly because of the taciturn presence of Whitney Houston’s mom, Cissy.

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It’s Wrong To Laugh At This Guy’s Misfortune But I Can’t Help It

Remember to lift with your legs when moving heavy things because all it took was a slipped disc in this poor guy’s back to cause what has to be the most peculiar affliction I have ever seen…Persistant Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS).

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Bewbs In Triplicate

Who knew that the one thing from TOTAL RECALL we would see in real life would be tri-boobs? I would have preferred one of them cool disguise thingees that could make Arnold Schwarzenegger look like a chubby middle-aged redhead. But I can never have nice things. Oh well.
Check out the result of what, if not a complete scam, has to be a massive body dysmorphic disorder after the jump.

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