This Seems Like A Really Bad Way To Start A Marriage

If you absolutely have to get married then stick to the tried and true method of a simple walk down the aisle and a recitation of vows followed by a reception where everyone gets drunk off of cheap booze and the bride and groom end up going into massive debt.
Bit for the love of Pete stop the nonsense with the dance routines and choreographed shenanigans because they never end well and sometimes a groom will cold-cock his new bride with a mistimed back flip.  And that can only lead to a higher probability of the marriage ending in divorce within a year.

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Subway Parkour Fail

Unless you are French, a contestant on American Ninja Warrior or the amazing Caity Lotz, you really shouldn’t be doing Parkour on the streets of the good ol’ US of A. Because you could end up like the guy in this video.

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The Not-So-Amazing Spider Man

This video just confirms my long held belief of just how terrible small children are. They are horrid little sociopaths with zero empathy even when a super-hero they were loving just 5 seconds before completely knocks himself out. Stuff like the evens of this vid are why I remain gleefully childless.

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Is This How Transformers Are Made?

All those fairy tales about “Wells of Allsparks” and “Creation Matrix’s” is just a bunch of hooey. What really happened on Cybertron was that some horny dude downed a bottle of muscatel and then proceeded to make sweet sweet forbidden love to the tailpipe of a random motor vehicle. Then nine months later a bouncing baby Autobot was born. Which seems to be what the super-creepy Brazilian guy in the video after the cut seemed to be trying to do.

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This David Hasselhoff Music Video May Be The Best Thing Ever

This video was done for the upcoming film KUNG FURY that, according to its website, is:

An over-the-top action comedy written and directed by David Sandberg. The movie features: arcade-robots, dinosaurs, nazis, vikings, norse gods, mutants and a super kung fu-cop called Kung Fury, all wrapped up in an 80s style action packed adventure.

Amazingly that description is completely spot on based on the clips from this music video that is quite possibly the most gif-worthy thing to ever hit the Internet. And the freakin’ song is actually catchy in that overly synthesized 1980s way that I love so much.

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Jason Statham Should Have Paid To Have Every Copy Of This Video Destroyed

So in this 1993 video from little known electronic-dance band The Shamen featured future buttkicking action tough guy Jason Statham. Can you pick him out of the line-up of extremely 90s costumed folks in the video?

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Japanese TV Is Wacky

I love Japanese TV shows, they are some of the wildest and sometimes confusing programming in all the world which is evidenced by this clip I stumbled across from a Japanese game show called SING WHAT HAPPENS. The objective of this game is for a male contestant to attempt to get as far through a karaoke song as he can while having his junk manually manipulated by a comely show hostess. Yep, its a karaoke/hand job endurance test. Be warned this clip is decidedly NSFW.

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This Tommy Wiseau Underwear Commercial Is As Bewildering As The Room

The man behind the cult film THE ROOM has now ventured into the world of underwear design and debuted this nonsensical commercial that looks like an ad for a gay dating website. Love is a big component of these underpants obviously and there is an appearance by a wigged Wiseau that is both odd and magnificent.

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This Lion Got Fed Up With All The Rubbernecking

I bet all she wanted to do was ask the people in the car if they needed directions or maybe to tell them to take a picture since it would last longer. I do think that if you are going to invade the living space of a wild animal while moving at “drive-by” speed then it would be a good idea to lock your doors.

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Finally Someone Made a Useful Piece of Wearable Tech

And of course this idea would come from the pornography industry. Adult video site, Porn Hub is developing a nifty little gadget called The Wank Band. It’s a watch looking thingee that has a who-zam-whatsis inside of it that stores kinetic energy…so instead of just wasting countless hours unleashing the alabaster yak with nothing to show for it but self-loathing and stickiness you can now use your time petting the one eyed porpoise to power all of your electronic devices! And the video they made to describe the gadget is tame enough to share with people and feel sketchy.

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